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  • Tokyo shop:

    "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run."

  • Budapest zoo:

    "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

  • Norwegian cocktail lounge:

    "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

  • Moscow hotel room:

    "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

  • Tokyo bar:

    "Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts."

  • Swiss mountain inn:

    "Special today--no ice cream."

  • On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:

    "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."

  • Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:

    "Would you like to ride your own ass?"

  • A Russian chess book:

    "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."

  • An ad by a Hong Kong dentist:

    "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

  • In Germany's Black Forest:

    "It is strickly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married for that purpose."

  • In a Vienna hotel:

    "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter."

  • In an East African newspaper:

    "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."

  • From the Soviet weekly:

    "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

  • In a Hong Kong dress shop:

    "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

  • In a Paris dress shop:

    "Dresses for street walking."

  • In a Bangkok cleaners:

    "Drop your trousers here for best results."

  • In a Hong Kong supermarket:

    "For your convenience we recommend coourteous, effecient self-service."

  • On a menu of a Polish hotel:

    "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

  • In an Austrian hotel for skiers:

    "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

  • In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery:

    "You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

  • In a hotel in Athens:

    "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9&11 am daily."

  • In a Belgrade elevator:

    "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

  • In a Leipzig elevator:

    "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."

  • A notice in a Japanese hotel:

    "Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please not to read notice."

  • A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:

    "If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window."

  • Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

    "English well talking; Here speeching American."

  • Japanese instructions on an air conditioner:

    "Cooles & Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."

  • Tokyo shop:

    "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run."

  • In a Yugoslavian hotel:

    "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

  • In an Acapulco restaurant:

    "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

  • On a Japanese food processor:

    "Not to be used for the other use."

  • Sign in the Czech Republic:

    "Take one of our horse-driven city tour. We guarantee no miscarriages."

  • Sign in a small French harbor town in Brittany:

    "The dumping of dead bodies is prohibited."

  • Car rental brochure in Tokyo:

    "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."

  • In a doctor's office in Rome:

    "Specialist in women and other diseases."

  • In a window of a Swedish fur coat vendor:

    "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

  • Sign in a Bangkok temple:

    "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

  • On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

    "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

  • Sign in an Athens hotel:

    "If you consider our help impolite, you should see the manager."

  • Sign in a Rome laundry:

    "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

  • Detour sign in Japan:

    "STOP! Drive Sideways."

  • Sign in Hong Kong dentist's office:

    "Teeth extracted by latest methodists."

  • Sign in Bucharest hotel lobby:

    "The lift is being fixed. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

  • Sign in a zoo in the Czech Republic:

    "No smoothen the lion."

  • Sign in a Moroccan shop:

    "Here speeching American."

  • Sign in a hotel in Paris:

    "Please leave your values at the front desk."

  • Sign at a dry cleaning store in Bangkok:

    "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

  • Sign at a Scandinavian airport:

    "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

  • Sign at a dry cleaning store in Tokyo:

    "Drop your pants here for best results."
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